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The Inner DIALOGUE: Are You Constantly Talking to Yourself? by Matthew Carlson

I should've won!

The Inner Dialogue by Matthew Carlson

THE INNER DIALOGUE (an excerpt from an ebook in progress)
by matt carlson
You are on the tennis court. You are playing a tennis match. Your adversary beats you almost every time (except when he is suffering from a minor illness, you can sometimes eek out a set). This time, you suddenly and surprising have the advantage
with a 15/40 on his serve and you are leading 6 games to 5! It’s never happened before during his periods of being healthy.
Without even thinking about it, your backhand down-the-line has dropped in! You now go and pick up a ball and toss it to your
adversary and during that time, a voice is talking to you.
It says, ” Wow, I can’t believe my luck ! For once my backhand went in at the right time! I’m gonna hit a great big forehand to
close out this set! It’s gonna be devastating!” You tell yourself with a self congratulating air on how it will be afterwards.
Already, you are seeing the photographers fighting to take your picture; this is your moment of glory!
You move into position and stand to receive serve. Your partner begins his windup. It’s a slow, unexpected puffy like sphere
rolling in the air like a cloud, seemingly to take forever to arrive in your service box. Apparently, your opponent wants to play it
safe. Not you though, you’re gonna pound on that ball and show him how good you really are! To make up for all those many
humiliating lost matches! It’s time! You jump at 200 miles per hour on that poor, slowly rotating fluorescent green ball while
slamming it with all your might, using that brand new powerful racquet you just bought (guaranteed for hair splitting return of
serves!) Unfortunately, however, your velocity is too rapid and you completely miss the ball….It sadly rolls into the back fence;
it is alone and unmoving. A lost ball, an unmoving one; a once again lost opportunity….
Suddenly, an irate voice in your head is
now screaming, « What an idiot! How can anybody miss that kind of ball?! Even a 2 year old could’ve made it back into the
court!” You try not to show how upset you are, but your breathing is suddenly short & fast, your face too has become a red
tomato…
The controlling voice intercedes once again saying « It’s okay you still have a another set point – forget about that horrible
forehand – let’s hit a backhand this time – you hit a great backhand just a minute ago ». Your breathing is still very fast and you
can no longer feel your legs either. But you are trying to be positive so you move again into position, hoping it’ll work out for you.
Then while expecting your opponent to accelerate that dinky serve of earlier, you are wrong again. He serves you yet another
dinky serve and ‘oh-happy-days’ it’s to your backhand, as you had hoped! You jump into action immediately, but the controlling
voice is there too, saying « Drop shot! Drop shot!” and you think yes, (though you never worked on it before), there’s a big
ignored hole right next to the net! » However, at the moment when you decide to hit your drop shot, your racquet slips a little bit
in your hand about half an inch in the wrong direction. You attempt to make your drop shot anyway with this new grip (one
you’ve never used before, but you have committed yourself) all the while thoughts at terrific speeds are giving you a lot of
information: « Softly, softly! Hit up on the ball: hit up, hit up…HIT UP YOU IDIOT!!! »
The ball lands at the bottom of the net…
At first you don’t realize it, but the head voice of earlier is now screaming out loud and you have thrown your brand new racquet onto
the ground. Your adversary is quite pleased. Needless to say, the first set has been lost in a tie-breaker and the second set was
a mere formality; you have lost it 6-0. You were a phantom after losing the first set, feeling as if you were somehow disconnected
to your body and its sensations. You wonder if it is worth it to continue playing tennis at all…
You were right about one thing: you were completely cut off from your body and henceforth, your ability to play tennis well…

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Your INTENTIONS by Matthew Carlson

Intentions.

That word.

So easy to say and yet somehow easily put aside.

But that word or more precisely, the meaning of it is incredibly strong. Intentions…IN…10..tions.  (And again!) INTENTIONS….Just let it roll off your tongue for a an instant and reflect on what that means. You could even close your eyes too: hearing it, imagining it and wondering what yours’ might be. Intentions. Your intentions. Maybe the most important word in your vocabulary. If not, perhaps it should be.

Often in our lives these days, there is a lack of clear intentions. Not knowing what you want, running after the almighty dollar (or euro) so you can buy “stuff”, follow outside agendas (other peoples’, not yours’) and very quickly one can run out of steam. Perhaps so locked up in your daily functioning that you forget about who you are and why you are doing things. Life is not about making money. Making money is about making money. A commodity that can easily kill you (fast or slow) depending on the poison you have chosen…Are you trying to impress someone, or maybe following someone else’s idea’s, religion, goals or aspirations? Wanting someone to like or love you? Trying to get  something from someone? If you are, just step off that crazy bandwagon ride and get a hold of yourself! Consider YOU, what desire is there in your head/brain, heart or soul? However you might define those things…

What is it that your inner self is trying so hard to communicate to you? The term communication means to bring all elements together with equal knowledge and/or awareness to the same place (and to all parties concerned) only then can one truly have access to communication. To bring together a “commonness”… That still doesn’t mean that true communcation will take place. If everyone is not aware of what the information is, there cannot be true communication. It will only be parts of information shared eventually, but not thouroughly. There won’t be any “commonness”.

(I know, I just made up a new word!)

Are you aware that billions of cells in your body make you ‘you’ constantly communicate? Well they do. Or rather, they try to. There needs to be reception of the phone call, right? I mean if someone calls you on your cell phone and you don’t answer, well you won’t get the message. Unless you check your messages (ha, ha!) And hopefully one was left! And no, just saying something in your head voice is not communication either. It’s not because you thought it that your thought was sent out to anyone. No sending, no recieving.

The same can be said for EMAILS. Many people think or say, “Yea I sent an email” Which someone means “It is no longer my responsability because I sent an email with my information”….BUT the problem is this: does the person have a computer? Will the person turn it on? Will the person OPEN his email box? Will he see your email AND will he open AND read it?? That’s alot of if’s! Sendina an email or even leaving a message is not communication, it is only a smalll part of which could BECOME communcation.

(By the way, it sooo makes me laugh when people say they work in communcation and don’t know these simple facts, so don’t feel bad about it if it’s your case. Live and learn every day, right?

So, how do you listen to your inner voice?  How do you know your body is even talking to you? Does it speak Spanish? French? English? Well, a hint: it doesn’t speak verbal language.

That’s the key.

Your body communicates with you by sensations: through feelings, through pain and pleasure, hunger and thirst, images, desires, dreams, thoughts that just seem to appear for no reason…

Being in touch with ones’ body and being present in the moment is essential in order to “hear” (or the reception there of) those messages. One of the best ways I’ve found to get into touch with myself is to sit or lay down somewhere, close my eyes and take some long deep breaths. Just concentrating on that act of doing nothing but breathing.

Little by little, I will focus on my physical awareness starting with a part of me like: the position in my chair, my feet, my back against the chair, my neck and shoulders…the position of my hands and so on. All the while focusing on breathing, deep down, feeling the air expand my lungs, then letting it out again. Really, fully feeling those sensations. Any thoughts that might come up, I will block their presence with a renewed focus on breathing, on my sitting there, the whereabouts of my body and its’ position…just emptying my head of all thoughts…

Try it out and let me know what you think.

Can’t hurt!