Tag Archives: balance

The In-Between Spaces by Elledge

Was it just a thought? A sound? Was your voice somehow reaching out to me? An image and then images…I didn’t know, and I didn’t really want to consider anything. I was tired. Tired of waking up every morning with puzzle pieces of my past life showering down upon me. Whether it was real or not, I felt like my brain was a magnet of everything and or anything that just showed up at my brain’s door steps.

And then somehow the day got going and I did what I needed to do. Work was done on automatic – but I was efficient; then grocery shopping, daily errands, took the dogs out on their walks…One activity after another, but I didn’t feel like me while doing it. Who was running the show? Was it me? My DNA? Was it society: of which I was a never ending cog in the wheel of something much bigger than myself? I didn’t know. I only knew that I needed some piece of mind, some feeling that I was actually determining something in my existence. Not just being pushed along  the unending chain of: school, work, love, marry, kids, retirement…then the ‘D’ word.

Part of the problem was that life seemed to happen and I’d jumped on the bandwagon without much consideration. Kind of like you’re waiting for the bus on a street corner in a no where city and a bus does come along. You’re not sure if you should take it, but the driver tells you (and the other passengers nod their affirming heads) that the next bus will be several hours from now. Well, of course you get on the bus, right? I mean, who wants to sit around for hours waiting for another bus?…

“What’s that? This bus is going where?”…”To No Where City? And the next bus?….To Create your life Zone and Maybe Be Happy Too?” Hell, I should have waited for that next bus…..

Now what? Well, those images, those sounds, those puzzle pieces I mentioned earlier, were maybe important ones. Maybe my brain was trying to tell me something. Maybe, I needed to listen to my own mind instead of being that ‘cog in a wheel’. Maybe, I could try to hear what my inner self was trying to tell me. Perhaps I had a message to myself that was more important than the constant barrage of messages coming from my computer. The first step? Turn off the phone! Turn off the computer! Meditate…. Breath… Oh yea, I was always forgetting to do that too. Breath…Yea, it was March, it felt like just ‘Another Summer Day’… https://elledge.bandcamp.com/album/another-summer-day

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Mindfulness by Matt Carlson

The cat wakes you up, or your telephone vibrates. Maybe it’s a kid screaming somewhere, or your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife etc is draining you with parasitic type maneuvers. Whatever IT is, the disruption…  “MINDFULNESS” can be the solution to being focused and staying focused. Putting stress away where it belongs.

Mindfulness means in short : getting in touch with the inner you.

To do that, you have to learn how to meditate. Learn how to focus on your breathing, on your physicality or “physicalness”

(I know, I just made that word up!) Once you do this on a regular basis, you can do it anywhere at any time to bring the stress levels down, stay focused…

Read the following, this guy says it all much better than me!

Have a good week!

Cheers y’all 😉

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-mindfulness-fixes-your-brain-reduces-stress-boosts-bradberry#leadership#management

That Mental Masturbating Voice in Your Head by Matt Carlson

No, this blog has nothing to do with sex (not today anyway…;)

So, just in case you were searching for it – you won’t find it here….(not now – though I admit I “might” be almost as good as Doctor Ruth lol, “Now, you take the penis and while pulling back the skin…” or “Some women are vaginal, others are anal or orally focused, some are clitorien…” (I made that last word up – it sounds right, you know women who are focused on their clitoris…) Well, you get the idea ;))

Mental masturbation otherwise is known as ‘mind fucking’, or a ‘mind fuck’ is really the same thing: both being done to oneself, by oneself. (Though  mind fucking could be done by someone else – someone who is literally fucking with you emotionally &  mentally…) I am again not talking about sexual fantasy either, (though I highly recommend that and lots of it, whoever you may be …) Did you know that your brain lights up during actual masturbation – that you are filled with creativity? Unfortunately, as soon as you reach orgasm, those lights go out (it’s scientific!)…(Oops, i said this wasn’t about sex…)

But what I am talking about is this: 

Those regular, reoccurring thoughts that make you crazy!!

You know you have them; we all do. For example, in the morning you’re lying in bed and the alarm clock goes off,  suddenly your “mind” is conscious and a little voice begins to tell you, “Time to get up!” or “You’re going to be late!” or  “Don’t forget to call so-and-so,” or maybe “Remember to pick up so-and-so on the way to the office,” or maybe “Don’t forget to pay that stupid bill”, or “I wish I had or hadn’t said/done….”…and on and on and on it goes.

That is all THE VOICE. (Not the one on TV either!) That little voice, is actually a dictator & is running your life! And from the moment it begins accosting you, it never lets up. That voice stays with you all day long constantly telling you what you have to do (future stuff) or pulling you back into your past (past stuff) ie: lost lovers, lost friends, lost family, dead pets, a move you regret, your home that was taken away from you, the guilt of a past action, getting fired, or worries about the future: “Will I get that raise?”, “Am I gonna lose my job?”, “Is he/she going to leave me?” , “How will I pay for those medical bills?” etc, etc…the list is endless… AND that voice will harp on you without letting up….. That is, if you let it.

The first step is in quieting it, because that should be your goal (unless self flagellation is your trip, of course) is to recognize it’s existence. Hear it when it begins to speak – it is not you that voice, only a part of a conversation between two selves that are inside of you. So, step back and listen to it. Observe its noise. Take a deep breath and just listen. Do you agree with that voice? Do you like what it is saying? Who is in charge? You or it?….

And who is the other person in that head conversation? It’s another part of you, but it doesn’t speak. So, too often it gets squished out – locked out – we can’t hear its cries….It doesn’t have verbal language, but it does have a way of communicating. Some people call it the “quiet” voice or the subconscious mind. I would rather call it “the quiet self”. A part of all of us, it’s the present self, the one which is always in the present, whether or not you are mindful of it. It “speaks” to us through intuition, feelings, our senses, imagery of it’s desires too. Think of it like a cat. A cat which is hunting. It is only in the moment (not like that controlling voice in your head, which is either in the past or future). It is hunting a bird, it is not saying to itself, “Hmmm do I really want to eat bird this morning? Is that reasonable? I did have chicken last night, maybe I should have some grass and purify my digestive tract. I did have stomach pains the last time…” No, that cat is certainly NOT thinking any of those things! It is only in the moment, in its present time and space.

Wouldn’t that be nice to be able to do that? Well, of course and you can and you do, even if you might not be aware of it. Brain specialists say that every 90 minutes, that we go into a rather semiconsciousness, that is a natural state. The brain cannot be active 100 percent of the time. It needs to rest. That’s where learning to relax, or meditating can be very helpful. Learn to “quiet the voice” (we don’t want to completely get rid of it) just manage it to acceptable levels in order to enjoy our lives. Right?

So, find a quiet space where you will not be interrupted. Turn your phone off or down, close your computer, and just sit or lie down comfortably somewhere. Take a series of deep breaths and little by little, try to focus on your breathing. In and out, in and out. When thoughts come to disturb you, push them away with a mental wave of your hand and refocuse on your breathing.

Once you are focused on your breathing, the in’s and out’s of it, visualize with your eyes closed, the position of your body in its chair or on the sofa. Be mindful, one at a time each part of your body and the sensation that goes with it. For example, if you are in a chair, feel the back of your chair touching your back, your bottom, your feet in their shoes, sandals or barefeet touching the floor…..and move along, one body part at a time just recognizing it., feeling it. It’s yours, your foot, your ankle, your leg, thigh, hip, stomach, chest, shoulders, neck, head, arms,  hands, wrists, fingers…Continue to take long, comfortable deep breaths and just relax…..

When you feel as if you’ve done that long enough, stop and get busy with your life again, as you want, but try and stay in touch with your physicality, your present NOW. Keep that dominating voice in its’ place!

Have a great day ;))

ps: thanks for LIKing and Sharing!

Watch out for an up and coming EBOOK on this subject or feel free to ask me about it.

Agenda’s: Yours’ or Theirs? by matt carlson

imagesAgenda’s: Yours’ or Theirs? by matt carlson

Sometimes it just doesn’t stop. The constant flow of vibration….whether it be the TV, your iphone, laptop, cell phone, radio, car noise, people demanding, wanting things from you; the kids, your wife (or husband), your boss, dead lines, bills, payments due….then you realize you’ve gotten fat, you’re having a bad hair day (or maybe you’re bald already!) and you think “What have I done with my life? This is bullshit!” And to top it off, you don’t even like what you’re wearing!!!

Well, whoever you are dear reader – you are not alone. You are just caught up in what was once called the ‘rat race’. And guess what? It’s still called that – AND YOU’RE THE RAT!…Yea, let that sink in for a moment. Rat’s being used for experiments (I am totally against animal testing of any kind, by the way) running through corridors where there is seemingly NO escape. But the rats keep running, they continue to search for what they have been conditioned to find. For them, it could be the gratification of finding food, or perhaps a sexual partner…. And you? Why are you running through those seemingly endless corridors or maybe even driving those never ending highways with your music blasting away any possibility of thought?? Are you running around searching for something in particular?

Well, whatever you may think – you have been totally conditioned too. Just like those poor rats. Maybe you’re thinking, “No way man – I’m too intelligent. I make all my own choices.” Well, you’re probably full of crap, if that’s what you think. Because today, we are learning that biology determines most of what we consider to be free choice. That much of what we may think is original, impulses, desires and so on are actually stimulated through our DNA. Do you think you’ve ever said anything original in your entire life? Hmmm; Sorry, but I seriously doubt it… I’m not being pessimistic either, just rational about old time accepted dogma that has become rooted in our thought processes as some kind of truth. But there is hope, not all is lost !

Our perceptions determine how we react to everything. That means that if you believe something is true, you will respond accordingly and usually within the perimeters of your constructed value system. Your value system is a learned ensemble of ideas and concepts that one develops throughout life. You are the total sum of all that you have learned & experienced to this day. It’s those experiences that can alter the exchange between dictating genes and your brain. Enviornmental influences are perhaps the determining factor in change. Taking the time to question what you actually think and what you actually believe is imperative to escape a value system that might not be yours, or at least not consciously; that is to say, if you’ve never taken stock of those things before. What do you actually believe? AND, what do you actually think?

Take food for example. You love to eat hamburgers, drink milk, have fried eggs with bacon for breakfast and chicken curry for dinner -there’s a great Indian restaurant down the street you discovered; maybe you even love “veal”… So those experiences are a given, something you have accepted to be truths, or at least things that you enjoy eating and have experienced. You have accepted these ideas so they are a part of who you are, part of your value system. Now suddenly someone says to you, “Do you know where hamburgers come from?” And you think, ” well yes, of course. From cows.” And that person then asks you, “Do you like animals?” And of course you do! You even have a cat or dog, or maybe a horse; maybe you even grew up on a farm!

So then you are asked to explain how you think that hamburger got onto your plate ie: the process… Hmm that’s a stickler; you know it is. You know that your hamburger is made of beef, which comes from cows, that cows are raised in pastures happily chewing on grass until the faithful day at least. It’s at this moment that your brain starts to get fuzzy, that moment where the cow or “soon-to-be-beef” image starts to elude your consciousness. Why is that? Be cause you don’t want to know that – you don’t even want to see it. And you know what? Neither do the companies that “grow” or “raise” cattle. They would like you to believe that cows actually still live out in green pastures, that they are happy, but otherwise incapable of feeling anything, that they are only “stupid animals”…That’s the same comment I always hear from people who fish, “Fish don’t feel any pain”. So for them, this saying of fish feel no pain helps them to feel alright about what they are doing. But didn’t you say you liked animals? Do you see any conflict in what you say and do?

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So what exactly are they doing? Well, cows don’t live free range out on the pastures anymore. They, like chickens, pigs and other animals that are part of an enormous enterprise called industrial farming are kept in limited spaces, no longer roam about eating healthy grasses where multiple salads are ingested, but are fed grains in a troughby a machine that passes by several time a day so that they will get fatter faster, and are usually killed at 2 years of age. They have no life of their own; they are regularly forced by artificial insemination to stay pregnant ( so you can have that nice cold glass of milk), their babies are  taken away from them only after a few weeks after birth to the immense sorry of mamma cow and baby. The babies (called veal in the groceery stores) are usually tied up in a closed space with very little room while awaiting a soon to arrive brutal death…Of course, for the other animals, it doesn’t get any better. Billions of animals suffer terribly thanks to industrialized farming practices…

Nowadays these same companies are trying to pass laws in order to keep their practices private. That anyone who films or documents the true goings on by these companies be arrested, fined and jailed. They believe that they have the right to do what they are doing and that “it” is “right”. Their belief system. Is it yours?

Still want that hamburger?

Me and Oliver

Letting Go, Balance and LOVE by Matthew Carlson

Hello fellow writers and readers,

This is a follow up of a blog post a few days ago on my https://fingertipmoments.wordpress.com blog site on ‘Good by’s and Maintaining Balance’…

I mentioned in this particular post that I didn’t believe LOVE was an essential aspect of having and/or maintaining balance, and today I would like to clarify that. I don’t think that one needs to be IN LOVE to be balanced in their daily life; however love is an essential ingredient in our lives.

We need  love to develop as a person, the most important time being during our childhood years. A child needs love as much as anything else, like: water, food, touch, feeling safe and warm, love has to be there and constantly for healthy emotional development. Without it, his develoment will be stilted, his visoin of life confused. And the need for it doesn’t stop at childhood either, it is a necessary element thoughtout our lives.

Without Love, a child will not be able to construct a healthy life for himself later on, as he or she will always be suspicious of others. An unloved child will became hateful towards those that hurt him, will not understand those that try to show him or her love. That unloved child will become a manipulator, ‘body language wise’  will perhaps (if able)  imitate appropriate body language, but it will only be an imitation because the development never happened.

Observational and psychological studies have been done recently at the University of Southern California: two groups of children with their mother’s were observed. One group had mother’s that were psychologically healthy and the other group had  mother’s suffering from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). The results were conclusive without any shadow of a doubt: the mother’s with BPD actually passed on their pathology to their children.

An example: within 12 months (birth to one year of age) in the study group where the mother’s were healthy, at each opportunity to spend time with one another, either the mother towards her enfant or the enfant towards its’ mother, the results were the same – both sides WANTED to be with the other and constantly seized opportunities to be together, to laugh, hug and so on. The other study group with BPD mother’s was exactly the opposite: the children and the mother’s avoided each other and DID NOT seize opportunities to be together.

From what I have read or studied, mother’s with BPD have not developed themselves emotionally so their starting point is off base, meaning there is no platform from which to work from – all murky waters there! They do not recognize body language and facial expressions or detect the thousands of emotional clues as well as being unable to respond appropriately even if they did. Their emotions were never validated, these lifetime seekers of validation, unable to use emotional tools, they develop only a narrow intellectual view or method of understanding their world….and by intellectual, I don’t mean that they are more intelligent, but only that they use an intellectual process to analyse, emotions being too strong are relegated to the back seat (so to speak)  – something to be avoided as such slippery ground to slide upon.

It has been demonstrated also that men & women with BPD have functional differences in identifiable brain regions and here, in the prefontal cortex, which is in fact responsable for impulse control and decision making. You and I use it to equalize our emotional urges,  for example “That man has a gun, oh, he’s duck hunting” whereas maybe with BPD “He wants to kill me! Shoot him first!” (L O L- a slight exaggeration…or maybe not!)…Women with BPD tend to be more introverted and depressed, whereas BPD men tend towards physical aggression and substance abuse. Today over 6 million women alone in the United States suffer from BPD, two thirds higher than for me, however the thinking is that men have not been properly diagnosed for their BPD, that the numbers are probably much higher.

So now that I’ve gone on this tangent of BPD (sorry about that,  because we don’t all have BPD!), I would like to return to the subject of balance in our lives, with or without BPD. I am certain that I was very fortunate (at least on one level in this life that I lead, where it is so easy to get lost) that the love that my Mother gave to me and my brothers, well it made up for so much of what was missing. Even my Dad who was a heavy drinker for 3/4th’s of his life, told us all the time that he loved us. I know he loved me; though he was a tortured soul. Though our lives were far from ideal what with the drinking and the divorces, and all that moving around – not alot of stability- we knew we were loved. That gave us a base from which to work on, to grow, to develop. If one person can love you, then maybe others’ too; that you are finally LOVEABLE!

If you’ve had the chance to have someone who loved you and took care of you, then you too are fortunate. That love gave you something that no one else can give you. It’s the water than nourishes the seed of “you” and we all need it to grow. Many people did not or ARE NOT being loved now, and that is a terrible thing. Reach out to those people when you realize you are in contact with them – it could make an enormous difference in their lives. Maybe in our lives too. No hypocrisy…

To finish off this post cause I think my thoughts are beginning to meander, I read a great African Proverb yesterday and I will try to rewrite it here for you now (i’m translating!)

‘Do the things that makes you happy , spend  your time with those that make you smile, laugh as often as you breath, and love as long & as much as you can, while you are alive.’

Isn’t that terrific? If you follow that, your life WILL BE BALANCED!!!

Have a terrific year, but not only for this year, for a lifetime… 😉