Tag Archives: bad habits

That Mental Masturbating Voice in Your Head by Matt Carlson

No, this blog has nothing to do with sex (not today anyway…;)

So, just in case you were searching for it – you won’t find it here….(not now – though I admit I “might” be almost as good as Doctor Ruth lol, “Now, you take the penis and while pulling back the skin…” or “Some women are vaginal, others are anal or orally focused, some are clitorien…” (I made that last word up – it sounds right, you know women who are focused on their clitoris…) Well, you get the idea ;))

Mental masturbation otherwise is known as ‘mind fucking’, or a ‘mind fuck’ is really the same thing: both being done to oneself, by oneself. (Though  mind fucking could be done by someone else – someone who is literally fucking with you emotionally &  mentally…) I am again not talking about sexual fantasy either, (though I highly recommend that and lots of it, whoever you may be …) Did you know that your brain lights up during actual masturbation – that you are filled with creativity? Unfortunately, as soon as you reach orgasm, those lights go out (it’s scientific!)…(Oops, i said this wasn’t about sex…)

But what I am talking about is this: 

Those regular, reoccurring thoughts that make you crazy!!

You know you have them; we all do. For example, in the morning you’re lying in bed and the alarm clock goes off,  suddenly your “mind” is conscious and a little voice begins to tell you, “Time to get up!” or “You’re going to be late!” or  “Don’t forget to call so-and-so,” or maybe “Remember to pick up so-and-so on the way to the office,” or maybe “Don’t forget to pay that stupid bill”, or “I wish I had or hadn’t said/done….”…and on and on and on it goes.

That is all THE VOICE. (Not the one on TV either!) That little voice, is actually a dictator & is running your life! And from the moment it begins accosting you, it never lets up. That voice stays with you all day long constantly telling you what you have to do (future stuff) or pulling you back into your past (past stuff) ie: lost lovers, lost friends, lost family, dead pets, a move you regret, your home that was taken away from you, the guilt of a past action, getting fired, or worries about the future: “Will I get that raise?”, “Am I gonna lose my job?”, “Is he/she going to leave me?” , “How will I pay for those medical bills?” etc, etc…the list is endless… AND that voice will harp on you without letting up….. That is, if you let it.

The first step is in quieting it, because that should be your goal (unless self flagellation is your trip, of course) is to recognize it’s existence. Hear it when it begins to speak – it is not you that voice, only a part of a conversation between two selves that are inside of you. So, step back and listen to it. Observe its noise. Take a deep breath and just listen. Do you agree with that voice? Do you like what it is saying? Who is in charge? You or it?….

And who is the other person in that head conversation? It’s another part of you, but it doesn’t speak. So, too often it gets squished out – locked out – we can’t hear its cries….It doesn’t have verbal language, but it does have a way of communicating. Some people call it the “quiet” voice or the subconscious mind. I would rather call it “the quiet self”. A part of all of us, it’s the present self, the one which is always in the present, whether or not you are mindful of it. It “speaks” to us through intuition, feelings, our senses, imagery of it’s desires too. Think of it like a cat. A cat which is hunting. It is only in the moment (not like that controlling voice in your head, which is either in the past or future). It is hunting a bird, it is not saying to itself, “Hmmm do I really want to eat bird this morning? Is that reasonable? I did have chicken last night, maybe I should have some grass and purify my digestive tract. I did have stomach pains the last time…” No, that cat is certainly NOT thinking any of those things! It is only in the moment, in its present time and space.

Wouldn’t that be nice to be able to do that? Well, of course and you can and you do, even if you might not be aware of it. Brain specialists say that every 90 minutes, that we go into a rather semiconsciousness, that is a natural state. The brain cannot be active 100 percent of the time. It needs to rest. That’s where learning to relax, or meditating can be very helpful. Learn to “quiet the voice” (we don’t want to completely get rid of it) just manage it to acceptable levels in order to enjoy our lives. Right?

So, find a quiet space where you will not be interrupted. Turn your phone off or down, close your computer, and just sit or lie down comfortably somewhere. Take a series of deep breaths and little by little, try to focus on your breathing. In and out, in and out. When thoughts come to disturb you, push them away with a mental wave of your hand and refocuse on your breathing.

Once you are focused on your breathing, the in’s and out’s of it, visualize with your eyes closed, the position of your body in its chair or on the sofa. Be mindful, one at a time each part of your body and the sensation that goes with it. For example, if you are in a chair, feel the back of your chair touching your back, your bottom, your feet in their shoes, sandals or barefeet touching the floor…..and move along, one body part at a time just recognizing it., feeling it. It’s yours, your foot, your ankle, your leg, thigh, hip, stomach, chest, shoulders, neck, head, arms,  hands, wrists, fingers…Continue to take long, comfortable deep breaths and just relax…..

When you feel as if you’ve done that long enough, stop and get busy with your life again, as you want, but try and stay in touch with your physicality, your present NOW. Keep that dominating voice in its’ place!

Have a great day ;))

ps: thanks for LIKing and Sharing!

Watch out for an up and coming EBOOK on this subject or feel free to ask me about it.


The Art of Life Balance: It’s An Every Day Intention…by Matthew Carlson

It’s not enough to just say one day and one time, “I want balance in my life”… It’s all about this word: INTENTION. And every day, all the time.

For the last New Year’s,  I had decided thanks to reading some things from Marianne Cantwell and her friend Sophie (great on line coaches) that instead of making resolutions that you might not keep up with perhaps exaggerated ideas (*I’m going to go to the gym 3 times a week or ” I’m going on a new diet” etc…), well instead of that (and feeling guilty about it when you aren’t able to maintain your resolutions) is to have the INTENTION of eating better and the INTENTION of getting into better shape.

Change or the desire to change must be a CONSTANT INTENTION.

So let’s say that you have decided on that particular one, to eat better and to get into better physical shape. So you start running a bit, maybe once a week, plus tennis once a week, and you stop buying processed food and so start eating fruits and vegetables (and you’re feeling good about that)… Then one day, you break down and buy a big candy bar and eat it all while sitting in a private space completly enjoying it. Ok and so what? Are you going to hit yourself over the head about that? Well hell no! Did you enjoy it? Yes. Are you going to eat another one? Probably not right now…

The thing is that if at this moment you decide/accept to feel guilty  about that candy bar, you are actually doing yourself no good whatsoever! Just accept that that candy bar was more important at that moment. Now it’s over. Then try to consider how your body feels after eating that candy bar. I mean the physical effects on you. Did it get into your teeth? Did you brush them afterwards? How about your stomach? Can you feel it sitting down there in your belly? OBSERVE. And what about later…after the  sugar rush? Did you feel the after sugar downs?….Again, this is not about judgement, this about how does your body physically feel in relation to the candy bar or the cigarette if that is your crutch? And then mentally, maybe you will think, “Hmm well it wasn’t that good. Maybe next time I’ll try and drink a glass of water”….Because very often in our advanced societies, we have learned to give ourselves an “emotional cuddle” and often it’s with food/or a cigarette and/or maybe: you were just thirsty for WATER! Did you know that more often than not, we strangely confuse the “I’m hungry” carving with the actual “I’m thirsty” craving?? And the cigarette too is replacing something in your life. What do you think it is?….

I stopped smoking and I also eat healthy. I stay away from eating processed foods, but occasionally will eat Pringles and chocolate! I do not bash myself for it. But I do a quick FEELY kind of physical observation and realize that that food finally did or did not make me truly feel any better. That the Haggendaz was good while I was eating it, but afterwards the flatulance and the uncomfortable stomach wasn’t worth it. Still conditioning runs deep and the emotional aspect of eating it made me happy…at least for a few minutes. Still, no guilt. Just an observation.