Monsters In My Head by Matt Carlson

Monsters In My Head by Matt Carlson

An unusual week. A dear friend of mine has lost her mom. In a matter of days several things happened: unanswered telephone calls, a frantic breaking in of said mom’s house, police and the observation that she was brain dead, followed by agonizing days at the hospital with tubes and such, the ensuing inner battles of letting her go (was their anyone home? the guilt…), then her passing, followed by a phone call because she was an organ donor… and finally the cremation arrangements….OMG, right? Is anyone capable of wrapping their brains around that? Especially when it’s your Mom? Needless to say, my friend is just trying to cope with basic functioning while the waves of grief wash and buckle…

Me, the house guest trying to be discreet and helpful in any way and suddenly having a time frame of returning home to France. The long sought after job at my fingertips, but finally crashing out of reach. They’d decided after all of this time, to ‘go into another direction’. What the f#@$ck ? I mean, who does two hour interviews and an 8 hour practical on a tennis court, where ALL the clients are satisfied and then the deciders decide to go into another direction?! And of course, they have no negative feedback? Cowards? Liars? WTF?…

So now the travel agency NOUVELLE FRONTIERE has made a mistake on my return ticket costing me a thousand bucks! That being the price I must pay to get my dogs back home safely with me, thanks to using American Airlines and NOT Lufthansa. And modifiable ticket apparently means (just a little bit modifiable like a date change – but not airline carrier or destination!) They did not tell me that!!!!!!!!!! And of course to get all that bad news you have to spend a day on the telephone on those companies ‘drive you fu#@cking nuts’ automatic answering machines until you finally get a human who answers and : 1. either hangs up on you or 2. sends you to yet another automatic phone voice or 3. sends you to the correct place after a nice long wait, but to someone who only gives you the bad news about that thousand dollars. And of course its a scam, but we are all at their merci unless you have your own plane, right? Well, mine’s in the garage so…..

And of course, I’ve accepted to take on another job back home, so people are counting on me over there, but I’m not sure I/we can even get there…And on top of it, my friend here will be yet sad again if and when I leave – am I leaving?! Or will I leave and come back?

The monsters in my head haven’t decided.


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