This isn’t giving up, this is letting go!…Should I take a road trip?…Be still my beating heart. Breath in deeply and focus within for a minute. This body, these lungs…these feet rooted into the floor….Melodies come and take me deeply within (I’m a song maker), yet far away to a better place. Far away from outside negative energies – which are not mine. They want to enter but I will reinforce my bubble of light & keep them at bay…breathing, breathing…Intentions,intentions..
Moving on from something that “was” can be trying. But maybe that something never really truly “was” either. Perhaps it was all in your head. Is it your case? It was in my last relationship. I kept thinking, it’s gonna get better. He’ll stop lying. He’ll stop drinking. He’ll stop cheating on me like every day. But we truly don’t OWN things, we don’t OWN people, we don’t OWN pets….All of these things that are in our lives, its’ our perception of them that gives them their place.
The people we meet (or other creatures big & small) that come into our lives, well, its like two energies coming together for a period of time. Two worlds of two different energies, experiences, perceptions coming together and ultimately perhaps trying to move forward & together with the desire of being one. But you will always be two trying to function as one (unless you already know this and are consciously functioning as two)… In my case, it was two handicapped people with our separate type of dysfunction trying to create something together. The problem was is that our communication never worked. Communication is the idea that common ideas are shared so that everyone has the same cards in hand. It was not our case – and of course you have to have two honest people doing that. If only one is being honest, it will never work. On my side, I was (& usually am) the CARETAKER and on the other, well, he was/is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) so the VICTIM I guess, or maybe the MANIPULATOR, certainly the LIAR…. maybe just to be nice we could just say HIGH MAINTENANCE. In any case, the dynamics whichever way you turn them around equals disaster! And the more distance I get from this story, the more I see clearly the details of what I was facing. Almost two years have gone by and I’m still getting hate mail. Please read : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
There are no contracts on that cellular level either or that chemistry that you feel; there is no destiny which is predetermined. It comes from a choice, one that we think we make….Adding to that choice concept, Sam Harris (one of my favorite virtual mentors) says that science has proven that we have no free will (E gads Sam!) He says that our DNA and total sum of experiences determines much of what we are and henceforth our choices. But that we can influence real change in our lives – we are not just headless zombies here!
So, i have turned the page…. and while searching the horizon I am breathing, breathing, breathing some more. I will take some time to assimilate what I have learned in this now finished past relationship; I will wish him well sincerely, so that he too may move on, let go, find himself and have a beautiful life…. I wish it for myself. I hope the hate mail stops soon.
Perhaps a road trip? My guitar on my back with my furry four footed companions at my side? ;D It could be much worse!
Remember, you can’t move forward to what’s in front of you until you let go of what’s holding you back from your past. Embrace life. Embrace now. Have new projects or take old ones out of your closet. Say goodbye to yesterday. Follow YOUR desires.
This Isn’t Giving Up, This Is Letting Go!
Have an intention filled day….Cheers.